Post Secret

I don't know if you are aware of my obsession with Post Secret. Maybe obsession is a tad harsh, I just find it fascinating, and I feel very connected to people when I read them. I have this on-going dream that someone would propose or say something amazing to me via post secret that I would just know. Anyways, a new batch of secrets are posted every Sunday and I am usually waiting for them at midnight to post. This week there were two that I enjoyed and wanted to pass along. The first one is really well put. The second one is ridiculous but made me laugh!





Isn't that great?!? It's so true. I do feel like sometimes I'm the only one who doesn't have a clue as to what is going on.






Oh god!?! I've never once thought about that ever happening...until now. Where the hell does she live? *bleah* that just made me shiver all over :)

Getting Carrie-ed away part deux

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Oh it's been a minute since I've written. I'm failing miserably on my picture a day project. Damn it. I do take pictures everyday, I just forget to send them this way. I will try to be better. (who am I kidding, very few people are reading this...I'm certain no one is sitting around, constantly checking to see if I've put a picture up. I am not disalusioned. LOL!)

On Friday (5/27/10) I drove to Philadelphia for a girls night. My 2 besties from high school, Kelly & Stacy and I all converged in Philly (Kelly lives there) so have girl time and go see Sex and the City 2. This very same weekend 2 years ago we did the very same thing to go see the original.

We had lots of laughs, great food (sushi and hibachi...so good), great cocktails (of course!) and togetherness. We ended our evening-o-fun at a local casino. Kelly's mom who is probably the luckiest person I've ever met, just sits at slot machines and they basically say, here ya go, how 'bout some money? I rubbed her for some good juju, but alas, no cash for me. She did hit some pretty good money, so in her charitible nature, she gave each of us $100! Holy Crap! I decided to pay if forward and on a much smaller scale at each of the toll booths I went through I paid the toll for the next person. It really felt good!

I did learn that Stacy has been seperated for 2 months from her husband and Kelly doesn't seem happy. I feel awful, because these are supposed to be two of my greatest friends and these bad things are going on, and I don't know it. I know that we all have seperate lives, but I love these two, and I want to be part of their life. I have a bunch of friends that I never get to see, who I miss being a part of their life. Is the old adage that people come in and out of your life for a reason really true? Was I once a very large part of people's life for a purpose, and then the lesson is learned so you move on?

That also makes me think about relationships. On the outside, these two seemingly have everything. They own homes, they are married, they are financially secure, etc. My god, it's never ever going to be like a fairytale, is it? The logical and reality part of my brain knows the answer to that, but the creative and loving side of me still wishes to be swept off my feet and have the truest of true love. It really reinforces that you should marry your best friend. Once the passion goes away (that's crap too...I want passion every moment) you need to be left with someone who you truely enjoy their company and have something to talk to them about everyday. I have amazing friends (most of them are gay men) but I don't feel any spark with them. That's the arguement I have in my head all the time. Is a "spark" a real thing, or is it just lust disguised? Would I settle for a person that makes me happy and whom I enjoy life with, but aren't attracted to? Why can't I have both?

Well, none of these questions are going to be solved in one night :) I did enjoy my trip with the girls and I am going to make it a point to stay more connected to them, and be in their life more.

All you need is love

I was walking around a garden center today and found this!
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I'm not afraid

I just read the lyrics to Eminem's new single I'm not afraid. Apparently he is in recovery from a drug addiction and wrote this song. I'm not posting all of it, but the parts I am, pertains to all that have addictions. They are really strong words, and I felt none other than Rosie the Riveter needed to be included. Enjoy.

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road




And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

Green is the new Pink!

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For some reason I've been obessed with the color green lately! I still love pink, there is just something about green! I feel a sense of renewal and freshness when I see the color. Ever since I started coloring my hair red, my what I thought were brown eyes now were very green and I love that!

I was walking outside today and they haven't mowed the lawn yet. As I was walking through the mass amounts of clover I stopped and realized how pretty it was. It was very lush to walk through and feel them in between my toes. (on a side note: please pay no attention to the pedicure, or the lack thereof. I'm very late for my spring/summer pedi). Aside from looking at my unkept toes, I loved my feet in that clover!

I've also just bought some green nail polish...oy hopefully I don't go overboard...I NEVER do that ;)

I gotta feeling...

Oh it's been quite awhile since I wrote anything. Gosh, no excuses. I have failed at my picture a day mission. CRAP. Ok, so lets try to start that again. I actually do take pictures everyday, its just sometimes either I don't deem them blog worthy or I just simply forget. I put my shame hat on and move onto my next subject.

A couple blogs ago I discussed wanting to find my father. I think that was in April. Well I finally sucked it up and on 4/28 I wrote him a short, but concise email. Once I actually sat in front of the computer and told myself that today was the day I was writing him, I just did it. Well this morning at around 7:30am I received a response! Holy Crap Batman! I almost fell out of bed! (just a note: I don't sleep with a computer in my bed...that's just creepy. All of my emails get pushed through to my cell phone). I threw off my sheets, called a friend, and went to my computer. The email was great. He chooses his words carefully like I do, he loves to sing, he plays guitar, the written word and lyrics are extremely important to him. Holy moley, can you be like someone without having ever been around them? I always just assumed environment developed your passions. He stated that while he didn't deserve a relationship, he welcomed the chance to get to know me and possibly develop a relationship. He ended the email very sweetly and said that he'd love to hear about my life and now would have a reason to check his email daily now. It's weird, when I was waiting for my fossil of a computer to boot up, I wasn't nervous or have this weird pit of my stomach ache and teeth chattering thing that I do. It just felt right.

I wrote him back and gave a birdseye view of me. I explained how I also love to sing, and the things I enjoy, a little about my family, and where I currently live.

The rest of my day was sort of magical. Nothing new happened...it was actually quite ordinary, but I felt different. I felt like cosmically this is all going in a direction that it should be. Maybe I am just hoping for that, who knows!

I started Eat Pray Love today. Something pulled me to this book, and already I am in love. Something about today just makes me feel like possibilites are endless...and I haven't felt like that in awhile. I really have had the urge to call
KW to tell her about this, because this is something that I know would've been important for her. I just can't. I can't think about her and I can't allow her to know my life anymore...she lost that privledge when she gave up on me (not as a relationship, but as my friend). Ok, the mood just shifted from whoohoo! to awkward. Sorry.

Anyway...I am seeing a psychic on Saturday and I am quite excited about it. I was referred by someone close to me who had an amazing session with her. Apparently this is a 3-4 hour thing! yikes! Even though I feel like everything is working as it should, I want someone else to say it.

I think I am going to read a couple more chapters. I leave you with this. I came across this statement in chapter 7:

"Om Namah Shivaya"

which means

"I honor the divinity that resides within me"

How awesome is that?