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Hello! So, I've decided to post a picture everyday. Something about how I'm feeling or something about my day.

This picture makes me smile. This is one of my cats, Gabbana. We were on the couch this morning and I looked over at her sweet face. My cats helped me get through all the crazyness of this year! I love them with all that I am.
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Today I took myself to the movies to see Avatar. It was amazing. I'm not gonna lie, when I originally saw a trailer for it I laughed and thought this was just another geek-tastic film. Aside from the beautiful story, it is visually one of the most amazing movies I've ever seen. I saw the film in 3d and have decided that is the only way to watch it!

So, perhaps I looked into this too much, but I compared this USA vs. anyone. It feels like we go and stick our noses in where countries don't always want us. We take over their land in an effort to "help" them and to make their way of life better. I think better is subjective, who are we or anyone to say what makes one way of life better than another? In this movie they were willing to kill off or relocate an entire culture for a profit. Oh how this all correlates within my brain!

This was truly an beautiful movie and I would suggest anyone seeing it.

Love, H.

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I really really want to see this movie! First of all, I heart ellen paige. The its drew barrymore's directorial debut, and the tag line makes me smile.
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Change?!?

Wow...that's really powerful and scary! How hard is it to change your beliefs? I certainly know there are things in my life where thinking different would make those things better for me. Oy...it's a lot to think about.

So, on a side note, while I am trying to write this blog I am watching Hoarders from A&E (hence my scattered and unimportand blog! haha). OMG, I cannot even take this show. The lady who hoarded rotten food? I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit. My car is a mess...my room could be straightened up, but I watch this and go, "Am I a hoarder?" I know I'm not, but I need to turn this off because I feel so bad for these people!

Crap, now there is a Red Lobster commercial on. I've got to turn this evil tv off.

It's hump day...enjoy :)

H.

I love this. She looks so happy!

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It was a beautiful day...but so blustery! This was taken on 270 on my way to work. Honestly...all I want to do is lay in bed with my cats, how pathetic does that sound?!? Haha, I don't care. Here is a little secret: I slept until noon today. Wtf?!?
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New Year. New hopes.

last day of the year,

last day before something big.

wake up brush your hair

make piles and shift papers.

cross your fingers for change.

or maybe, for things to remain.

make resolutions of empty hopefulness and

fill it with your love.

squint your eyes tight and think:

this will be the one -a year of love and happiness

content living and extravagant fun.

A year filled with passion and no, not one that flies by.

cheers to the New Year! we all have our reservations.

draw that line thick on your eyes

and call it a perfect day

Well...I am a tad late for a New Years greeting. Procrastination was NOT one of my resolutions, although it should! It's been quite some time since I've written, so I plan on posting more often. Not that anyone is reading this LOL. That's ok, I am :) So, first I am going to do a year in review. My sucktastic 2009.

January: Was still in love....for the very first time. Even though things around me weren't the greatest, I knew I had someone's heart and that's all that mattered

February: Spent Valentine's Day (my first one during a relationship) at work and fighting about something pretty silly. I'm not saying that Valentine's day is the most important day...I think it's a day for merchants, not lovers. But since I had spent so many prior V-day's alone I was kind of excited. oh well. Ended the month road trippin' with friends to go to Charlotte, NC to attend an open call for Biggest Loser. Nothing came out of it...and I became withdrawn for the trip. KW (said love of mine) did tell me that it was quite a turn on to see me doing something to take care of myself. Nice to hear, but also a stab...crap, she can tell I don't take care of myself.

March/April: Boring months. I'm sure it rained LOL.

May: This is the month that 2009 took a ride on the shit train. KW decided space was needed to find herself which was code for I think I like one of your friends better. Secret rendevous and lots of calls later...and they live together by the next month. yea, not joking. Before I knew...I actually told her that I would love to continue sleeping with her even if we weren't "together". Single most regretable thing (after giving my heart to her, of course).

***Can I interject here for a moment. Just an FYI I was a straight woman before this person changed my world. I still am...I just went to crazy town for a period of time.

June: I am in devastation mode. Can't eat, can't sleep. Start intensly working out with a trainer who tells me I'm worth so much more than this dispair. (thanks...but it doesn't sink in for awhile). Go on two vacations: North Carolina where I get my nose pierced. Something I wanted to do with her. Then on to Boston to visit my mom. We discuss this sitiuation, which is hard for me to do. we discuss the psychological issues that plagues KW...even though she thinks she's got it ALL figured out.

August: Nothing to report. it was HOT! One of the last times I see KW. I made a journal for her. I wrote inside that I would wait for her. She cried and said fuck you. She doesn't want me to wait for her. What she doesn't understand is that I have to. I love her.

September: Find out that the blockbuster video that I am a store manager for is going to be closing by 10/11/09. This is bittersweet. I've had growing pains for quite some time and haven't been happy. I wanted to leave and find a different path on my own terms...but I guess the process was sped up a tad! Labor day--went to Berkley Springs, WV with a group of new friends and had an AMAZING time. This was the first time in awhile that I really laughed. This would've been something KW would've really enjoyed, and I wished she was there.

October: This was the worst month since May. It was really hard saying goodbye to customers and employees. Like it or not, this had been my life for 10 years. I had put a lot of hours into this. I sacrificed many things...and for what? A customer told me he would miss my face. that was a sad moment. Closing the doors that last time was really difficult. During all of this, I moved from Hagerstown (small town) to Silver Spring (right outside of DC). I moved from everything. My friends, KW, my life. It was so hard, but it was necessary.

November: Unemployment. Whoohoo. Boring! The best thing of the year happened this month. I went on a cruise to the Bahamas!! It was amazing and I could've just stayed there and lived off of the island. Here's one of my pictures I took.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....I was in heaven. Once again, there were moments where I would've loved to share this with KW.

December: Oh December is so crazy...always! I started working again. I went back to a Blockbuster, despite my desire to NEVER go back. I am much more focused this time, however, and won't allow myself to get stuck there for another 10 years. My birthday was on the 14th. For some reason I was hoping for some contact from KW. Even a text...but alas, nothing. I have officially realized she has no intention of trying to revive the amazing friendship we had for years before. For someone that I loved so much, she cannot even say happy birthday to me. I will no longer try to have her in my life. We had a major snowstorm! 2 feet. Almost got into an accident at the beginning of the storm. There were angels out that night...I am sure of it. I came within 5 inches of slamming into an an accident that was on the side of the road. Then, my car was broken into at my house. Jason (friend/roomate) had stored a Christmas present for Tony (Jason's partner/friend/roomate) in my back seat (kitchen aid food processor). That was stolen, along with my ipod connector for my car. So pissed! Then got a lovely cold right at Christmas. My mom came to town from Boston. Finally had Christmas with everyone at my grandfathers house...I loved it!

Are you still with me? HAHA. So here we are. I am so ready for 2010 to be fantastic. I will make it be. There are so many things I want to do. I want to go back to school. Graphic Design, photography, wedding planning....so many things! I want to learn/do it all. I want to find love! No matter what went down with KW, she taught me that I want to give my heart to someone. I'm so ready. But I will NOT settle. The person is out there...I feel it in my bones. Stay tuned...magic is going to happen :)

love love love,

H.