what a week!

Can you believe January is almost over? I have a lot of things I want to accomplish this year....slow your roll please!

A couple highlights from the week.

Wednesday: President Obama delivered the State of Union address. I think he is an amazing speaker. I think it's so ridiculous that the Republican party sat during many of the statements he made. It's disrespectful, actually. I get the partisanship and all that...but bottom line, the very root of why those people are in that room is to take care of the American people. I have to hope that at some point, that's the reason why they entered into politics. I think at some point, the vision gets skewed and what starts as a way to make a difference turns into an agenda. It's not ok. President Obama actually said it best when he said:

"We were sent here to serve our citizens...not our ambitions"

I was also happy to hear him discuss the Don't ask don't tell policy. I know he's spoken about that before and hasn't done anything about it...so I hope he makes that effective this year. There is no reason why the policy needs to be in effect.

Thursday: J.D. Salinger passed away. I'm not going to sit here and and say how he affected my life...I never had to read Catcher in the Rye (what was wrong with my high school?!?). It did affect lots of people, however so it deems a mention. I found this quote on another blog that really interesting. Enough to say...hmm, perhaps I should read this classic novel. R.I.P sir.

"Many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them--if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."

- J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

Friday: A new friend that I've met through work turned 21 (yes...21...dear god, I turned 21 eleven years ago!) and invited me to his celebration. 20 of us boarded a grey hound turned party bus (yes, seriously...this thing has been gutted and turned into a party on wheels. Bathroom, kitchen, couches, swivel chairs. It's was pretty cool) and we ventured into DC to 3 different gay clubs. I rarely go out...I generally don't like clubs. I like to be able to have a conversation, and in a club, that's not easy to do! It was a tad awkward at first because I only knew a couple people. Once the liquid confidence starting taking affect, I was ok. I don't know what was with me, but I danced like a crazy person! I am generally the one that will dance a little, but sticks to the sidelines. Not this time! I was dragging people out on the dance floor. My ass was grabbed lots of times...but it was by gay men, so it doesn't really mean anything ;) All was well until the very end of the night when a guy coming out of the last club told me I had performed well that night. I said, what?? He thought I was a drag queen! My god, I wanted to crawl in a hole. Now, I know that by that point (it's was 2:30am) I probably looked pretty rough...but seriously?!? I don't look like a man that's dressed as a woman.

Needless to say, I had a blast! I will say that I was very sore this morning. Aside from the lovely hangover, my body felt like I had been through boot camp. I guess I had, disco gay boot camp!

Today is has snowed all day. It's been kind of nice to be stuck in the house and not go anywhere while I lounge this hangover away.

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My other baby, dolce. He LOVES laying in sinks...he is such a weirdo! He is spoiled, he gets a a towel that stays in there so he isn't cold!
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icy toes

brrrr....I've been so cold today. I have nothing really that interesting to talk about, so I will just post these amazing winter photographs I've collected. I did not take these, fyi, I just think they are awesome! Enjoy. I'm going to go wrap myself in a blanket :)

Holocaust Museum

I took my cousin Brandon (15) to the Holocaust Museum. Neither of us have been, so he was off school and we decided to go.

I was in a constant state of sadness/anger while I was reading through the exhibits. I just can't understand how the world allowed this to happen? How was Hitler able to make people believe these things? How could anyone hate another human being so much that they would do the things that they did? Amongst all of the powerful exhibts, the ones that affected me the most were:

The Shoes:

Just a simple pile of shoes...but more powerful than anything else. I think the power is IN the silence. I just stood there looking at all the different shoes, and kept imagining the people that had worn them. What their stories were, who their families were...etc.

Cattle Car:

Obviously the train that transported the Jews to the camps. You get to walk through a train car. I stood there for a few minutes and tried to imagine what they must've thought as they were crammed in there. How do you just become ok with your circumstances when they are obviously dire?







There were many more...but these were very visual reminders.

I leave you with this quote from Elie Wiesel, Nobel laureate and Auschwitz survivor

Never Shall I forget that night, the

first night in camp, which has turned

my life into one long night, seven times

cursed and seven times sealed. Never

shall I forget the little faces of the children,

whose bodies I saw turned into wreaths

of smoke beneath a silent blue sky.

Never shall I forget those flames which

consumed my faith forever.

Never shall I forget that nocturnal silence

which deprived me, for all eternity, of the

desire to live. Never shall I forget those

moments which murdered my God and my

soul and turned my dreams to dust. Never

shall I forget these things, even if I am

condemned to live as long as God himself.

Never.

"with martin luther king, jr. day falling in the wake of the tragedy in haiti, the words of dr. king seem especially poignant…and remind us to think about what we can do, not just in a time of need like now, but on a daily basis, to make the world a better place. " fp

Lovely Bones

Apparently this is the week for movies!

I wanted to finish this book PRIOR to seeing the movie...but that didn't happen. If you don't know the premise, Suzy Salmon is a 14 year old girl that gets murdered by a neighbor. She is then catapulted into an world in between earth and heaven. It was obviously hard to imagine a young girl dying, but the in-between world that Suzy is inhabiting is this amazing and crazy place. In this world, she is able to lead her family to discovering her murderer, but she's also able to deal with the fact that she is dead. She realizes she won't grow up, have a first kiss, see her syblings grow up, etc.

Peter Jackson directed this and did an amazing job. The acting, specially Suzy, is spectacular. The world that the director creates allowed me to emotionally deal with the fact that a young girl was murdered. She meets another young girl while in this world. It is beautiful, with lots of color...seemingly a place you'd want to go to!

All in all I am glad I saw the movie, but I didn't walk out of the theater "happy". Try to go see it!

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Me and my grandfather. Pawpaw is the best...I love him! This was taken this summer, by the way, I don't normally look this tan :)
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I did NOT draw these!! Aren't they amazing? Ok, going to bed! --H.

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Working on the computer and listening to music. I look like I am concentrating hard lol! Not much to report today...its friday and I am all out of sorts. I did register for classes today...so I am proud of that! Gotta finish my night,

Love, H
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Hello! So, I've decided to post a picture everyday. Something about how I'm feeling or something about my day.

This picture makes me smile. This is one of my cats, Gabbana. We were on the couch this morning and I looked over at her sweet face. My cats helped me get through all the crazyness of this year! I love them with all that I am.
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avatar

Today I took myself to the movies to see Avatar. It was amazing. I'm not gonna lie, when I originally saw a trailer for it I laughed and thought this was just another geek-tastic film. Aside from the beautiful story, it is visually one of the most amazing movies I've ever seen. I saw the film in 3d and have decided that is the only way to watch it!

So, perhaps I looked into this too much, but I compared this USA vs. anyone. It feels like we go and stick our noses in where countries don't always want us. We take over their land in an effort to "help" them and to make their way of life better. I think better is subjective, who are we or anyone to say what makes one way of life better than another? In this movie they were willing to kill off or relocate an entire culture for a profit. Oh how this all correlates within my brain!

This was truly an beautiful movie and I would suggest anyone seeing it.

Love, H.

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I really really want to see this movie! First of all, I heart ellen paige. The its drew barrymore's directorial debut, and the tag line makes me smile.
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Change?!?

Wow...that's really powerful and scary! How hard is it to change your beliefs? I certainly know there are things in my life where thinking different would make those things better for me. Oy...it's a lot to think about.

So, on a side note, while I am trying to write this blog I am watching Hoarders from A&E (hence my scattered and unimportand blog! haha). OMG, I cannot even take this show. The lady who hoarded rotten food? I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit. My car is a mess...my room could be straightened up, but I watch this and go, "Am I a hoarder?" I know I'm not, but I need to turn this off because I feel so bad for these people!

Crap, now there is a Red Lobster commercial on. I've got to turn this evil tv off.

It's hump day...enjoy :)

H.

I love this. She looks so happy!

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It was a beautiful day...but so blustery! This was taken on 270 on my way to work. Honestly...all I want to do is lay in bed with my cats, how pathetic does that sound?!? Haha, I don't care. Here is a little secret: I slept until noon today. Wtf?!?
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New Year. New hopes.

last day of the year,

last day before something big.

wake up brush your hair

make piles and shift papers.

cross your fingers for change.

or maybe, for things to remain.

make resolutions of empty hopefulness and

fill it with your love.

squint your eyes tight and think:

this will be the one -a year of love and happiness

content living and extravagant fun.

A year filled with passion and no, not one that flies by.

cheers to the New Year! we all have our reservations.

draw that line thick on your eyes

and call it a perfect day

Well...I am a tad late for a New Years greeting. Procrastination was NOT one of my resolutions, although it should! It's been quite some time since I've written, so I plan on posting more often. Not that anyone is reading this LOL. That's ok, I am :) So, first I am going to do a year in review. My sucktastic 2009.

January: Was still in love....for the very first time. Even though things around me weren't the greatest, I knew I had someone's heart and that's all that mattered

February: Spent Valentine's Day (my first one during a relationship) at work and fighting about something pretty silly. I'm not saying that Valentine's day is the most important day...I think it's a day for merchants, not lovers. But since I had spent so many prior V-day's alone I was kind of excited. oh well. Ended the month road trippin' with friends to go to Charlotte, NC to attend an open call for Biggest Loser. Nothing came out of it...and I became withdrawn for the trip. KW (said love of mine) did tell me that it was quite a turn on to see me doing something to take care of myself. Nice to hear, but also a stab...crap, she can tell I don't take care of myself.

March/April: Boring months. I'm sure it rained LOL.

May: This is the month that 2009 took a ride on the shit train. KW decided space was needed to find herself which was code for I think I like one of your friends better. Secret rendevous and lots of calls later...and they live together by the next month. yea, not joking. Before I knew...I actually told her that I would love to continue sleeping with her even if we weren't "together". Single most regretable thing (after giving my heart to her, of course).

***Can I interject here for a moment. Just an FYI I was a straight woman before this person changed my world. I still am...I just went to crazy town for a period of time.

June: I am in devastation mode. Can't eat, can't sleep. Start intensly working out with a trainer who tells me I'm worth so much more than this dispair. (thanks...but it doesn't sink in for awhile). Go on two vacations: North Carolina where I get my nose pierced. Something I wanted to do with her. Then on to Boston to visit my mom. We discuss this sitiuation, which is hard for me to do. we discuss the psychological issues that plagues KW...even though she thinks she's got it ALL figured out.

August: Nothing to report. it was HOT! One of the last times I see KW. I made a journal for her. I wrote inside that I would wait for her. She cried and said fuck you. She doesn't want me to wait for her. What she doesn't understand is that I have to. I love her.

September: Find out that the blockbuster video that I am a store manager for is going to be closing by 10/11/09. This is bittersweet. I've had growing pains for quite some time and haven't been happy. I wanted to leave and find a different path on my own terms...but I guess the process was sped up a tad! Labor day--went to Berkley Springs, WV with a group of new friends and had an AMAZING time. This was the first time in awhile that I really laughed. This would've been something KW would've really enjoyed, and I wished she was there.

October: This was the worst month since May. It was really hard saying goodbye to customers and employees. Like it or not, this had been my life for 10 years. I had put a lot of hours into this. I sacrificed many things...and for what? A customer told me he would miss my face. that was a sad moment. Closing the doors that last time was really difficult. During all of this, I moved from Hagerstown (small town) to Silver Spring (right outside of DC). I moved from everything. My friends, KW, my life. It was so hard, but it was necessary.

November: Unemployment. Whoohoo. Boring! The best thing of the year happened this month. I went on a cruise to the Bahamas!! It was amazing and I could've just stayed there and lived off of the island. Here's one of my pictures I took.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....I was in heaven. Once again, there were moments where I would've loved to share this with KW.

December: Oh December is so crazy...always! I started working again. I went back to a Blockbuster, despite my desire to NEVER go back. I am much more focused this time, however, and won't allow myself to get stuck there for another 10 years. My birthday was on the 14th. For some reason I was hoping for some contact from KW. Even a text...but alas, nothing. I have officially realized she has no intention of trying to revive the amazing friendship we had for years before. For someone that I loved so much, she cannot even say happy birthday to me. I will no longer try to have her in my life. We had a major snowstorm! 2 feet. Almost got into an accident at the beginning of the storm. There were angels out that night...I am sure of it. I came within 5 inches of slamming into an an accident that was on the side of the road. Then, my car was broken into at my house. Jason (friend/roomate) had stored a Christmas present for Tony (Jason's partner/friend/roomate) in my back seat (kitchen aid food processor). That was stolen, along with my ipod connector for my car. So pissed! Then got a lovely cold right at Christmas. My mom came to town from Boston. Finally had Christmas with everyone at my grandfathers house...I loved it!

Are you still with me? HAHA. So here we are. I am so ready for 2010 to be fantastic. I will make it be. There are so many things I want to do. I want to go back to school. Graphic Design, photography, wedding planning....so many things! I want to learn/do it all. I want to find love! No matter what went down with KW, she taught me that I want to give my heart to someone. I'm so ready. But I will NOT settle. The person is out there...I feel it in my bones. Stay tuned...magic is going to happen :)

love love love,

H.